Finding Light in the Darkest of Times
Montana Mitchell, staff writer
As colder weather approaches, so does seasonal depression. I am not one to open up and talk about the struggles I deal with, especially publicly. In fact, I try to shine positivity into the universe rather than the negativity my mental illness portrays.
I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since the age of fourteen and it has been a constant battle of mine. Some days I have my highs, and some days I have my lows. It is a consistent battle of wondering if I actually have a place in the world and if my life has any meaning to it at all. I have days where I feel alone, even though I am aware that I am not.
My thoughts consume me to the point where I am incredibly quiet. I never realize how quiet I am until someone says something about it. I am always consumed in my own thoughts and forget that speaking is something I have not done.
This past year of my life has tested me in ways that I can not even begin to explain. I have learned a lot and I have grown a lot, but in the midst of it all, I have been living with a mentality that those close to me may worry about.
I recently felt inspired to get my first tattoo, a semicolon. A semicolon is used when an author could have chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. I chose this tattoo as a reminder; a reminder that I could choose to stop my life, I could choose to give up and end it all right now if I wanted to, but I won’t.
I choose to continue to live my life in the way that God intended me to. I choose every day that life is worth living, and it will never be my decision for when it ends. God has plans in line that not I, or anyone else, can see. That alone gives me hope on its own.
The semicolon is a positive reminder for me that no matter what, I will always continue my story. I will continue to live the life that was intended for me. Regardless of how low I may get, I will always remember that when I chose to get this, I promised myself that along with this permanent tattoo comes a permanent decision to keep living.
Life has purpose, and it is important for not only I but whoever else is reading this to understand and know. I am more than my mental illness makes me believe. As are you.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression, please never fear to reach out to those around you. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which can be reached at 1-800-273-8255, offers free emotional and confidential support to anyone in need of it and are available seven days a week, 24 hours a day.
If calling the hotline is uncomfortable for you, texting HOME to 741-741 will connect you with a live and trained crisis counselor that will also offer emotional support in the form of texting instead of calling. For more information, visit https://www.crisistextline.org.
